I just loved some of the folks who thought the whole angle of Sgt. Slaughter becoming an Iraqi turncoat (which culminated in the main event here) was in bad taste, in light of the Gulf War which was going on at the time. Hey, since when has the WWE ever been a paragon of good taste? Anybody remember the Billy & Chuck wedding from a couple years back? Howzabout the Triple-H necrophilia dealie? Yeah, see what I mean?Anyhoo, aside from Sgt. Slaughter's immortal chin, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan's hilarious color commentary, I found this particular presentation fairly run-of-the-mill. Actually, if it weren't for Heenan's flurries of insults and heel rooting, this three-and-a-half-hour-long show would have been downright tedious. Most of the matches featured the usual standard moves, and nothing all that spectacular. Willie Nelson sang "America the Beautiful"... in an effort to pay off his tax debt, I'm sure. Ya had guest stars Marla Maples (bell), Regis Philbin(commentator), and Alex Trebek (ring announcer) workin' the sidelines for the main event, as well as getting' a few interviews in. Hmmm... could WM8 have been the spark that helped to ignite that whole Jeopardy/Millionaire sniping almost a decade later? I wonder...
Other notable moments & matches:
- The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty) versus Haku & the Barbarian: Shawn Michaels sure has shrunk over the years since his appearance here. There were a few moments where combatants were a bit late in reacting to some shots. Haku & Barbarian have the upper hand for most of the match... but that doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna win...
- Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo: Heenan comes over to the color booth after managing Haku & Barbarian, and throws out his usual flurry of insults at the good guy (Tornado). A dumb "Jeopardy"-esque attempt to ape Abbot & Costello's "Who's on First" bit erupts between "Mean Gene" Okerlund and Alex Trebek backstage prior to the match.
- Warlord vs. Davey Boy Smith: What is up with all these wrestlers who were dressed up as some kindsa `Mad Max' trilogy rip-offs back in the day? I mean, you've got the Legion of Doom (comin' up later), Demolition (also comin' up later) and the Warlord. So much for any hint of originality...
- Nasty Boys vs. the Hart Foundation for the tag-team championship: Heenan takes some pretty funny pre-match shots at Macaulay Culkin, who is sitting at ringside. The Nasty Boys and their manager Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart pull off some of the best interference and cheats I've ever seen here. BTW I read somewhere that the winners of this match gave one of the two tag team belts to Willie Nelson after the event. I guess they figured he could turn around and auction it off for a pretty penny to help get that tax bill down. So much for dignity, eh, Willie?
- Jake `The Snake' Roberts vs. Rick Martel in a blindfold match: As one might expect, this one's got very few actual moves, except for walking around trying to find each other in pitch darkness. This one's pretty much a no-brainer to fast-forward through.
- Undertaker vs. Jimmy `SuperFly' Snuka: Undertaker's WrestleMania unbeaten streak began here as he makes short work of his opponent. He and Paul Bearer would be backstage later taking Regis Philbin's measurements for, er, some reason that escapes me at the moment, heh...
- Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy "Macho King" Savage: this match is more notable for the sappy ending as Miss Elizabeth comes to her former man's rescue after he gets wailed on by Queen Sherri following his humiliating defeat. "The Brain" is absolutely disgusted by the whole post-match spectacle-and for once, I agree with his sentiments. The love-fest then segues into some dumb debate over the possibility of using instant replay in wrestling, with Vince McMahon acting as a mediator between Yankees boss George Steinbrenner and NBC Sports analyst Paul Maguire. Also thrown in for good measure of retardedness are the Bushwackers as the replay officials.
- Demolition vs. Tenryu & Kitao: Other than a few good exchanges between "The Brain" and Gorilla Monsoon, this match ain't got much. Neither of the Japanese tag teamers sell the shots on `em all that well.
- Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect for the Intercontinental title: The viewer gets "treated" to the inane banter of Lord Alfred Hayes in the color booth as Heenan steps out to manage Mr. Perfect. And Andre the Giant lumbers out in the middle of the show to help keep things on the up-and-up for the BBM.
- Earthquake vs. Greg `The Hammer' Valentine: fairly short bout, though mildly entertaining.
- Legion of Doom vs. Power & Glory: This one's gotta be the shortest match on the entire card. Eh, there wasn't all that much to see, anyway...
- Virgil (with `Rowdy' Roddy Piper) vs. `Million Dollar Man' Ted BiBiasi: DiBiasi's `everybody has a price' gimmick and evil laugh made him one of my all-time fave `heel' wrestlers. Only thing is, this bout between him and his former bodyguard looked more like a boxing match than a wrestling match. It also sported the most unsatisfactory ending (a count-out?!) in this entire presentation.
- The Mountie vs. Tito Santana: another super-short match-which is good, `cuz the tape has hit the three-hour mark, and they've yet to get to the main event...
- MAIN EVENT: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship title: A decent display of back-and-forth momentum changes and near-falls, with a few of the usual dirty tricks pulled off by Slaughter. And, as you'd expect, Hogan milks the crowd for pop for about ten minutes after pickin' up the win. Oh Hulk, you big ham, you...
Overall, WrestleMania VII ain't half-bad... but I've seen better. Heenen's sarcasm and the pure cheesiness of the main event's angle make this worth at least one viewing.
`Late